hello babies. welcome to earth. it’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. it’s round and wet and crowded. on the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. there’s only one rule that i know of, babies - 'god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'

- k. vonnegut

You have played, (I think) And broke the toys you were fondest of, And are a little tired now; Tired of things that break, and—Just tired. So am I.

I feel tremendously scattered at the moment.  And it's rather frustrating!  As the to-do list grows, so does my capacity to ignore it.  Life does always seem to happen, as Hemingway put it, "gradually and then suddenly," but I can't always summon the patience for the gradual. 

January has been lazy.  In a good way.  I needed it.  First semester feels like a haze of all-nighters and colds.  I let my health and well-being get away from me and it's high time to re-prioritize and re-center.  However, in my attempt to lay low and to take life slower, I've begun moving at the pace of molasses in Moscow.  Passivity creeps more and more into my everyday life and decision making.  Massive and exciting (even massively exciting) projects lie ahead.  But I glance hesitantly at them from across the room, too complacent and too nervous to walk over and introduce myself.  In short, I've missed the mark.

I'm okay with that.  Finding balance is a process.  I just need to get back on track within that ongoing process.  Too far to one end of the spectrum means it's time to shift back gently in the other direction.  Some burn-out precautions have been put in place (namely a reduced class and activities schedule), so I should feel safe to dive in and immerse myself in the opportunities at hand.  

Some inspiration:

Tomorrow, in a very real sense, your life—the life you author from scratch on your own—begins. How will you use your gifts? What choices will you make? Will inertia be your guide, or will you follow your passions? Will you follow dogma, or will you be original? Will you choose a life of ease, or a life of service and adventure? Will you wilt under criticism, or will you follow your convictions? Will you bluff it out when you're wrong, or will you apologize? Will you guard your heart against rejection, or will you act when you fall in love? Will you play it safe, or will you be a little bit swashbuckling? When it's tough, will you give up, or will you be relentless? Will you be a cynic, or will you be a builder? Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?

-Jeff Bezos

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.

-Katherine Mansfield

 Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

Zumba!

Cross #10 off the "22 Things" list!

I took my first zumba class last night- total blast! The class mixes salsa, merengue, and Afro-Cuban styles-- so lots of shaking.  Ballet and Zumba definitely stand worlds apart! I spent half the time giggling, but really enjoyed moving my body in a new way.  A big plus came when two of my favorite artists- Juanes and Shakira- made appearances on the playlist. Woo!  I'd definitely recommend for anyone looking for a great workout-- you can start with these jams :)

I'm not particularly religious, but I really do love this:

1. Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once.

2. Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone except myself.

3. Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.

4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.

5. Only for today, I will devote ten minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.

6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.

7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and it my feelings are hurt, I will make sure no one notices.

8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision.

9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.

10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for twelve hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.

 

Pope John Paul II

Loving right now

M. Sasek! I think I'd like to live inside some of these illustrations:

Delightful, no? 

American Ballet Theater!

I'm now 1/3 of the way towards one of my "22 things before 22" goals!

On Tuesday night, I went to see American Ballet Theater (ABT) perform a mixed bill at the Kennedy Center.  And I'm still reeling in the loveliness.  ABT has always been one of my very favorite companies (I can list the principal dancers like a baseball fan would his team's starting line-up), but Tuesday's show has to be one of my absolute favorites.

There were two Balanchine pieces:

Theme and Variations

and Duo Concertant



 Theme and Variations is set to Tchaikovsky and Duo Concertant to Stravinsky, so it was a perfect Balanchine sampler.  Plus, David Hallberg and Paloma Herrera danced soloist roles.  Swoon!

 Julie Kent danced the lead in Tudor's Jardin aux Lilas.  Tudor's style is not my favorite (often angular and sharp whereas I gush for fluidity), but the music!  I love love love Chausson's Poeme. 

(This is my favorite recording of Poeme)

 And the final piece- Fancy Free!  I have been waiting more than 5 years to see this ballet!  Robbins choreographed (love love love) and and Leonard Bernstein composed the score.  On a hot summer night in 1944, three sailors have a night of leave in New York City.  Skirt chasing and cheeky male bravado ensues.  Beyond wonderful. So much fun and more than lived up to my expectations.

I could go on forever, but I'll stop now.  Can't wait for ballet #2!



(I made one of these books once and I love it.)

Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. forget yourself.
- Henry Miller

Here's to a great long weekend!

with flowers

and dancing

and hiding from the cold in cozy blanket forts

nights out with friends

and good books.

Cheers!

Buon Anniversario!

Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.
-Sarah Dessen


One year ago, I boarded my first international flight and took off for four incredible months in Italy. I miss it so! Let's reminisce, shall we?

This is my favorite spot in my old home.  The villa (a whole year later and I still can't believe I lived in a villa!) had amazing gardens overlooking all of Florence.  That bench was the perfect place to nap, to read, and to watch the sunset everyday. 

"Maybe Venice is just a feeling"- Rainer Maria Rilke (love.)

Gelato just outside the Vatican. 

This is where I took my daily walks. No big deal.

Hiking in Cinque Terre.

Easter in Capri.

Florence just after sunrise.



Send me back, please!  Please.

A Reminder...



And then don't ever forget it.

may I be I is the only prayer-- not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong-- ee cummings

"20-somethings."

It's a hot topic right now. Blogs, the New York Times, various relatives-- they all want to know what we're doing and why we're doing it differently than our parents. Raised on computers, we're the "Internet generation," the "Facebook generation," the "Don't Know How to Communicate" generation (To qualify- we communicate constantly, but, as the theory goes, we don't know how to do it in person. Apparently, texting and Facebook have melted our brains and stolen our socialization. Go figure). Much talk circulates of our poor job prospects, and the resulting dissatisfaction from overqualification and our slower pace in finding a career, a spouse, and a house.

Perhaps these conversations are nothing new (surely the older generation perennially speculates on the strengths and flaws of their successors?), and I've only just tuned into them as my own college graduation looms in the not-so-far-off distance (4 months?! gulp). Regardless, the pressure to "figure out what to do with my life" has become suddenly ever-present.

I don't know who said this, but I think we're on the same page:

I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls that aren’t covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house I will be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s my dream I’m working on.

That kinda sums it up, no?  And this is certainly appealing...

Switch the paint set with a good book, please.

And the appeal of these two delightful plans stems at least partially from their simplicity.  They sound so easy. So clean.  I've learned in the last year that I crave simplicity.  Too many choices are overwhelming.  Clutter becomes distracting.  Spreading myself too thin (although I keep making that mistake over and over) leaves me exhausted and feeling that I haven't given anything or anyone the time and attention deserved. 

But life is messy and anything but easy.  And, inevitably, something will come up and my busy-ness factor shoots up ten-fold. I keep trying to make space-- to think, to be still-- but space seems hard to come by.  Presumably this task only becomes more difficult as responsibility and the requirements of everyday routines take hold. 

So, I don't have any answers.  To all those who ask about my future, to whom I try to respond politely, please know that I'd like to yell back a thousand questions.  I don't know what it means to be "20-something."  Can what I want now (really truly want. from the bottom of my stomach and out through my toes and the hairs on my head) be so different than what I'll seek ten, twenty, thirty years from now?  For now, this resonates:

Make for yourself a world you can believe in.
It sounds simple, I know. But it’s not. Listen, there are a million worlds you could make for yourself. Everyone you know has a completely different one - the woman in 5G, that cab driver over there, you. Sure, there are overlaps, but only in the details. Some people make their worlds around what they think reality is like. They convince themselves that they had nothing to do with their worlds’ creations and continuations. Some make their worlds without knowing it. Their universes are just sesame seeds and three-day weekends and dial tones and skinned knees and physics and driftwood and emerald earrings and books dropped in bathtubs and holes in guitars and plastic and empathy and hardwood and heavy water and high black stockings and the history of the Vikings and brass and obsolescence and burnt hair and collapsed soufflés and the impossibility of not falling in love in an art museum with the person standing next to you looking at the same painting and all the other things that just happen and are. But you want to make for yourself a world that is deliberately and meticulously personalized. A theater for your life, if I could put it like that. Don’t live an accident. Don’t call a knife a knife. Live a life that has never been lived before, in which everything you experience is yours and only yours. Make accidents on purpose. Call a knife a name by which only you will recognize it. Now I’m not a very smart man, but I’m not a dumb one, either. So listen: If you can manage what I’ve told you, as I was never able to, you will give your life meaning.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, A Convergence Of Birds

And, for now, I'll just keep trying.

Say it with a Song

If you're talking about love, recruit Otis, Willie, Fred and Van to help.









Oh yeah, and these guys.

Beauty Secrets

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

Sam Levenson

Thanks for that, Mr. Levenson. I like the way you think.

Loving right now...

The Ballerina Project by Dane Shitagi:

I might be biased after 18 years of dance class, but there's something magical about ballerinas and New York City. Excited to see American Ballet Theater in 2 weeks!

22 before 22

(source)

A hearty welcome to 2011! I'm no good at resolutions, but I can't turn down the opportunity to dream up adventures and write a good list. Inspired by Sarah Von of Yes and Yes, here's 22 new things I hope to do before my 22nd birthday (this November).

1) Graduate from college

2) Get hired for a full-time job!

3) Bake bread

4) Watch the sunrise over the monuments at the National Mall

5) Go Zorbing

6) Wear red lipstick out

7) Start a blog (check!) and post here at least 100 times!

8) Try 30 new recipes

9) Gamble in Las Vegas

10) Take a Zumba class

11) Give blood

12) Go applepicking!

13) Visit 3 states I've never been to (the eventual goal is all 50!)

14) Read Leaves of Grass

15) Eat Vietnamese food

16) Write a fan letter

17) See the midnight showing of a movie on opening night

18) Watch 3 ballets I've never seen

19) Attend a music festival

20) Write a letter to my body

21) Go hiking in Virginia

22) Make a pinhole camera.

I'll be keeping track of the progress here. Wish me luck!

Namesake

"Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth, but I got me a nice little place in the stars..."