Let them be Hermiones

From the insightful and indefatigable J.K. Rowling:

For Girls Only, Probably...

Being thin. Probably not a subject that you ever expected to read about on this website, but my recent trip to London got me thinking...

It started in the car on the way to Leavesden film studios. I whiled away part of the journey reading a magazine that featured several glossy photographs of a very young woman who is either seriously ill or suffering from an eating disorder (which is, of course, the same thing); anyway, there is no other explanation for the shape of her body. She can talk about eating absolutely loads, being terribly busy and having the world's fastest metabolism until her tongue drops off (hooray! Another couple of ounces gone!), but her concave stomach, protruding ribs and stick-like arms tell a different story. This girl needs help, but, the world being what it is, they're sticking her on magazine covers instead. All this passed through my mind as I read the interview, then I threw the horrible thing aside.

But blow me down if the subject of girls and thinness didn't crop up shortly after I got out of the car. I was talking to one of the actors and, somehow or other, we got onto the subject of a girl he knows (not any of the Potter actresses – somebody from his life beyond the films) who had been dubbed 'fat' by certain charming classmates. (Could they possibly be jealous that she knows the boy in question? Surely not!)

'But,' said the actor, in honest perplexity, 'she is really not fat.'

'"Fat" is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her,' I said; I could remember it happening when I was at school, and witnessing it among the teenagers I used to teach. Nevertheless, I could see that to him, a well-adjusted male, it was utterly bizarre behaviour, like yelling 'thicko!' at Stephen Hawking.

His bemusement at this everyday feature of female existence reminded me how strange and sick the 'fat' insult is. I mean, is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I'm not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain...

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

So the issue of size and women was (ha, ha) weighing on my mind as I flew home to Edinburgh the next day. Once up in the air, I opened a newspaper and my eyes fell, immediately, on an article about the pop star Pink.

Her latest single, 'Stupid Girls', is the antidote-anthem for everything I had been thinking about women and thinness. 'Stupid Girls' satirises the talking toothpicks held up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest achievement is un-chipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced handbags and rat-sized dogs.

Maybe all this seems funny, or trivial, but it's really not. It's about what girls want to be, what they're told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'. And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls. Rant over.

Goodbye Summer!

At the beginning of the summer, I set out to make an awesome home video. My camera had broken, making the video recorder on my little iPod my only memory capture-r. So why not try something new? With the first day of fall almost here (hooray!), I figured it was time to wrap up and share. I had an absolute blast putting it together and am really pleased with the final product. Take a peek if you're so inclined.

The Laughing Heart

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Charles Bukowski

#21 Go hiking in Virginia

To celebrate the long weekend, my friend Sarah and I hiked Great Falls Park in Virginia. My camera is still broken (womp womp), so I took a few short clips on the iPod and smushed them together here:

Great Falls Hike from Mary Kate on Vimeo.

Song: "The River" by Virginia Coalition (my favorite local band!)

Isn't Great Falls beautiful? A little piece of me pretended I was John Smith discovering the Potomac River. (There might have been some "Just Around the Riverbend" going down).

Not pictured:
-Stone skipping
-Wading in the river and letting the fish tickle my feet
-Very quickly getting out of the river after seeing a snake...
-Enjoying an apple at the tip top of a cliff
-Discovering a local bluegrass radio station (!!) during the car trip. It is... my new obsession.

Let's Brighten Someone's Day!

Taking a few spare moments to make someone-- anyone!-- smile is near always worth it. Who's in for some warm and fuzzies today? Ten to one odds that the lucky recipient of your kindness boomerangs joy right back to you.

(This is a purely gratuitous picture of Matt Damon. He brightens my day :) )

Write a thank you note.
Gratitude is always appreciated. Co-worker helped you out on a project? Shoot them an email! Friends stayed up until 4am discussing your troubles? Call them! Just remembered that time your middle-school bestie lent you her sparkly sweatshirt for picture day? Send a letter! (including a picture, I'd hope)

A quick "thanks" will not suffice. If you're setting out to brighten a day, you've got to spend more time than it takes to text six letters. You need to let this superhero know how incredible they really are! Explain exactly how his or her actions impacted you for the better. Spare no superlative.

Wrap it up.
If you picked up a just-because gift for a friend, take a quick minute to wrap it up! Even a 99 cent candy bar becomes a special treat when covered in bright paper and a bow. Anticipation is fun!

Give a(n unusual) compliment.

I like hearing that my hair or outfit looks nice as much as the next girl. But the compliments that stick with me (and I bet with you guys too) are the ones out of left field. Shake off the mundane to hit the proper day-brightening note!

"You have a spiritual gift for creating mix CDs."
"That was such a tactful response. I'm always impressed with how well you field client questions."
"I wish I had your memorization prowess. You're my walking Google!"
"You always make me laugh. Without fail!"
"You inspire me."
"I feel so proud of you and the choices you're making now."

Or, if you're going to go with appearance (nothing wrong there!), make it personal. It's rather forgettable to say, "I like your shirt."  How about "that shirt brings out the most amazing shade of green in your eyes!" or "you rock boatnecks better than anyone I know! Serious collarbone jealousy."? Or even, "You style vintage pieces so well. Teach me your thrifting secrets!"

Surprise!
Take box. Fill with helium balloons. Give to friend. Squeal with joy when he opens it and balloons fly everywhere!

I've been wanting to try this one for ages.  Please (!) tell me if you do :

Smile.
How many people do you ignore everyday? I know I usually tune out almost every one around me when walking through the city. Go ahead, make eye contact and smile. Throw in a "hello" or "how are you?" for good measure. It's the little things, right?

How do you add pep to someone else's step? 

Reading...

If you think about it, reading is a necessarily individual act, far more than writing. If we assume that writing manages to go beyond the limitations of the author, it will continue to have a meaning only when it is read by a single person and passes through his mental circuits. Only the ability to be read by a given individual proves that what is written shares in the power of writing, a power based on something that goes beyond the individual. The universe will express itself as long as somebody will be able to say “I read, therefore it writes.

--Italo Calvino (from If on a winter’s night a traveler)