A Nice Little Place in the Stars

So you've probably been wondering...

2011-11-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

what the Disney Princesses would look like in historically accurate clothing? I know! Me too. Thanks, Claire Hummel!

Happy 11/11/11!

2011-11-11T16:10:00.001-08:00

If you haven't seen This is Spinal Tap yet, go do that. Your funny bone will thank me.

Oh Hey...

2011-10-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

Models from American Gothic standing next to American Gothic.

And John Singer Sargent chilling in front of Madame X.

What up.

Whistlin' Songs

2011-10-05T16:36:00.000-07:00

Why do I find songs with whistling 18 times catchier than everything else?

Am I missing any? You guys whistlin' while you work too?

Let them be Hermiones

2011-09-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

From the insightful and indefatigable J.K. Rowling:

For Girls Only, Probably...

Being thin. Probably not a subject that you ever expected to read about on this website, but my recent trip to London got me thinking...

It started in the car on the way to Leavesden film studios. I whiled away part of the journey reading a magazine that featured several glossy photographs of a very young woman who is either seriously ill or suffering from an eating disorder (which is, of course, the same thing); anyway, there is no other explanation for the shape of her body. She can talk about eating absolutely loads, being terribly busy and having the world's fastest metabolism until her tongue drops off (hooray! Another couple of ounces gone!), but her concave stomach, protruding ribs and stick-like arms tell a different story. This girl needs help, but, the world being what it is, they're sticking her on magazine covers instead. All this passed through my mind as I read the interview, then I threw the horrible thing aside.

But blow me down if the subject of girls and thinness didn't crop up shortly after I got out of the car. I was talking to one of the actors and, somehow or other, we got onto the subject of a girl he knows (not any of the Potter actresses – somebody from his life beyond the films) who had been dubbed 'fat' by certain charming classmates. (Could they possibly be jealous that she knows the boy in question? Surely not!)

'But,' said the actor, in honest perplexity, 'she is really not fat.'

'"Fat" is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her,' I said; I could remember it happening when I was at school, and witnessing it among the teenagers I used to teach. Nevertheless, I could see that to him, a well-adjusted male, it was utterly bizarre behaviour, like yelling 'thicko!' at Stephen Hawking.

His bemusement at this everyday feature of female existence reminded me how strange and sick the 'fat' insult is. I mean, is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I'm not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain...

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

So the issue of size and women was (ha, ha) weighing on my mind as I flew home to Edinburgh the next day. Once up in the air, I opened a newspaper and my eyes fell, immediately, on an article about the pop star Pink.

Her latest single, 'Stupid Girls', is the antidote-anthem for everything I had been thinking about women and thinness. 'Stupid Girls' satirises the talking toothpicks held up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest achievement is un-chipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced handbags and rat-sized dogs.

Maybe all this seems funny, or trivial, but it's really not. It's about what girls want to be, what they're told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'. And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls. Rant over.

Goodbye Summer!

2011-09-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the summer, I set out to make an awesome home video. My camera had broken, making the video recorder on my little iPod my only memory capture-r. So why not try something new? With the first day of fall almost here (hooray!), I figured it was time to wrap up and share. I had an absolute blast putting it together and am really pleased with the final product. Take a peek if you're so inclined.

The Laughing Heart

2011-09-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Charles Bukowski

#21 Go hiking in Virginia

2011-09-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the long weekend, my friend Sarah and I hiked Great Falls Park in Virginia. My camera is still broken (womp womp), so I took a few short clips on the iPod and smushed them together here:

Great Falls Hike from Mary Kate on Vimeo.

Song: "The River" by Virginia Coalition (my favorite local band!)

Isn't Great Falls beautiful? A little piece of me pretended I was John Smith discovering the Potomac River. (There might have been some "Just Around the Riverbend" going down).

Not pictured:
-Stone skipping
-Wading in the river and letting the fish tickle my feet
-Very quickly getting out of the river after seeing a snake...
-Enjoying an apple at the tip top of a cliff
-Discovering a local bluegrass radio station (!!) during the car trip. It is... my new obsession.

Let's Brighten Someone's Day!

2011-09-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Taking a few spare moments to make someone-- anyone!-- smile is near always worth it. Who's in for some warm and fuzzies today? Ten to one odds that the lucky recipient of your kindness boomerangs joy right back to you.

(This is a purely gratuitous picture of Matt Damon. He brightens my day :) )

Write a thank you note.
Gratitude is always appreciated. Co-worker helped you out on a project? Shoot them an email! Friends stayed up until 4am discussing your troubles? Call them! Just remembered that time your middle-school bestie lent you her sparkly sweatshirt for picture day? Send a letter! (including a picture, I'd hope)

A quick "thanks" will not suffice. If you're setting out to brighten a day, you've got to spend more time than it takes to text six letters. You need to let this superhero know how incredible they really are! Explain exactly how his or her actions impacted you for the better. Spare no superlative.

Wrap it up.
If you picked up a just-because gift for a friend, take a quick minute to wrap it up! Even a 99 cent candy bar becomes a special treat when covered in bright paper and a bow. Anticipation is fun!

Give a(n unusual) compliment.

I like hearing that my hair or outfit looks nice as much as the next girl. But the compliments that stick with me (and I bet with you guys too) are the ones out of left field. Shake off the mundane to hit the proper day-brightening note!

"You have a spiritual gift for creating mix CDs."
"That was such a tactful response. I'm always impressed with how well you field client questions."
"I wish I had your memorization prowess. You're my walking Google!"
"You always make me laugh. Without fail!"
"You inspire me."
"I feel so proud of you and the choices you're making now."

Or, if you're going to go with appearance (nothing wrong there!), make it personal. It's rather forgettable to say, "I like your shirt." How about "that shirt brings out the most amazing shade of green in your eyes!" or "you rock boatnecks better than anyone I know! Serious collarbone jealousy."? Or even, "You style vintage pieces so well. Teach me your thrifting secrets!"

Surprise!
Take box. Fill with helium balloons. Give to friend. Squeal with joy when he opens it and balloons fly everywhere!

I've been wanting to try this one for ages. Please (!) tell me if you do :

Smile.
How many people do you ignore everyday? I know I usually tune out almost every one around me when walking through the city. Go ahead, make eye contact and smile. Throw in a "hello" or "how are you?" for good measure. It's the little things, right?

How do you add pep to someone else's step?

Reading...

2011-09-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

If you think about it, reading is a necessarily individual act, far more than writing. If we assume that writing manages to go beyond the limitations of the author, it will continue to have a meaning only when it is read by a single person and passes through his mental circuits. Only the ability to be read by a given individual proves that what is written shares in the power of writing, a power based on something that goes beyond the individual. The universe will express itself as long as somebody will be able to say “I read, therefore it writes.

--Italo Calvino (from If on a winter’s night a traveler)

Life is short

2011-08-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

Life is short. Do what you love. Don't get caught up in things. Value people, not material objects. Love deeply, love fully, have no regrets.
--Derek Miller

Louis C.K., you are awesome.

2011-08-20T14:25:00.001-07:00

Inspiration Folder

2011-08-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hello lovelies!

Do you use Evernote? It is my latest obsession! I use it like I would a giant virtual moleskine notebook. You can add nearly anything and then access it anywhere-- even on your phone. It's my current favorite productivity hack (everything is searchable! no more keeping 18 tabs open so I don't forget articles I want to read! Chrome extension to add pictures/articles/urls with 2 keystrokes!) and my new catchall box.

Here's a few things I clipped into my inspiration folder today:

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof.

-- Barbara Kingsolver

A truck carrying ink-cartridges smashed into a bridge, and the result? Rainbows!

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And the World Food Programme's Josette Sheeran's Ted Talk on ending hunger (now).

What made you perk up your ears today?

As an airplane loves to fall from a clear blue sky...

2011-08-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a child loves to overhear the conversations of its parents, and the parents love the sound of their own arguing voices, and as the pen loves to write down the words these voices utter in a notebook for safekeeping. I will love you as a shingle loves falling off a house on a windy day and striking a grumpy person across the chin, and as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey. I will love you as an airplane loves to fall from a clear blue sky and as an escalator loves to entangle expensive scarves in its mechanisms. I will love you as a wet paper towel loves to be crumpled into a ball and thrown at a bathroom ceiling and as an eraser loves to leave dust in the hairdos of people who talk too much. I will love you as a cufflink loves to drop from its shirt and explore the party for itself and as a pair of white gloves loves to slip delicately into the punchbowl. I will love you as the taxi loves the muddy splash of a puddle and as a library loves the patient tick of a clock.

--Lemony Snicket

Let's Stay in Touch!

2011-08-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

After graduation, my friends scattered to the winds. So when I saw this article on 10 Ways to Stay in Touch with Your Long-Distance BFFs, I was understandably stoked. Shortly thereafter, I was frankly disappointed!

"Write on her Facebook wall/Twitter page"? "Leave a voicemail"? "Remember her birthday"? Really? We're assuming that we're actually friends with this person, right? Okay, sure. You do need to do these things to stay friends from afar. But let's get more creative!

Here's my list of (Fun) Ways to Stay in Touch with Far-flung Friends:

Say it with a song.
Sure, you can spam your favorite gal's wall with enough "I miss yous" to keep the bonds of friendship alive. But why not go Broadway musical on her? Record a video of you singing My Heart Will Go On ("far across the distance and spaces betweeeeeen us...")/500 Miles/her favorite jam and post that on her Facebook/Twitter. Much better.

Send a care package!
I'm shocked this one didn't make the original list. I like to fill up a box with Lisa Frank stickers (available on Etsy if you aren't still hoarding your 4th grade collection), mix cds, used books, nail polish, baked goods, and whatever other bits and baubles catch my eye.

Theme it up. Only purple items? 4th of July theme (complete with sparklers!) for a patriotic pal? Stress relief in a box with homemade scrub, bubble bath and scented candles? The possibilities are endless. Never forget the most important part of any care package-- a handwritten note!

Set up a private blog.
Our group of ladies from college share a password-protected blog. It's excellent for sharing life updates and hilarious links en masse. And that cutie you kissed at the bar last night? Thank goodness for a safe space to spill all the juicy details with the girls.

Long distance book club.
Self-explanatory? Pick a book, read it, talk about it.

Sisterhood of the Traveling...
I don't have any mystical every-body-type-fitting pants. Do you?

Never fear. There's plenty of other non-magical items at our disposal. I'm a fan of passing around a funny little figurine (a la Amelie's gnome). Friend A takes a picture of your inanimate comrade in an interesting place, pastes the photo into an album, and mails both to Friend B. B to C; C to D; D to A.You get the idea. The stranger/more clever the settings, the better the game.

Host virtual movie dates.
Set up a Skype conference call. Put on your favorite movie (or t.v. show or whatever) and watch together. All the commentary and giggles you love through the miracle of video chat.

And dance parties.
Two options. Numero Uno: video chat in on a real-time dance-off. Easy. Or, two: pick a song, everyone makes a video of getting down with her bad self, share. Hilarious either way.

Establish a ritual.
Email each other a song a day. A favorite quote each Monday morning. Every April 15th (or October 4th or January 26th) is Besties Day-- your time to get together and finally hang out in person (My dad and his best friends have met up at the Indy 500 every Memorial Day for at least 15 years. An awesome tradition!). Whatever suits your relationship and tastes. But make something regular and worth looking forward to.

Twin day!
Remember how cool it was in elementary school when you and your girl wore matching outfits? Megan and I always topped off our Limited Too ensembles with a chic friendship necklace. It was a metal cartoon cow on a black cord. We swore to never take them off. Not even in the shower. We were awesome.

Bring back the awesome! Plan a twin day, chose your outfits, and share some snapshots. And, since your friend is now your long distance friend-- no awkward moments! Twin Day is your little secret.

What about you guys? How do you keep it close across the miles?

The Laughing Heart

2011-08-10T20:50:00.000-07:00

(source)

The Best Place to Write

2011-08-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that the best place to write, in my opinion, is a café; you don’t have to make your own coffee, you don’t feel that you are in solitary confinement while you work and when inspiration fails, you can take a walk to the next café while your batteries re-charge. In my opinion, the best writing café is just crowded enough so that you blend in, but not so crowded that you end up sharing a table with somebody who tries to read chapter twenty upside down, has staff who don’t glower at you if you sit there too long (though these days I can afford to keep ordering coffees even if I don’t drink them, so that’s less of a problem) and doesn’t play very loud music, which is the only noise that disturbs me when I’m writing.— J.K. Rowling

Oh, I so agree! I'm always working on a dozen projects and appear to be developing a chai addiction from all the time spent in my closest coffee shop. Worth it for the ten-fold productivity increase.

Authenticity

2011-08-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Standard clichés for early adulthood dictate that currently I am in a stage of “finding myself.”

Every time I hear this phrase, I can’t help but think of Claire Danes’ character, Angela, on that delightfully angsty 90s classic-- My So-Called Life:

People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough.

Way to cut to the core, Angela. (By the way, that’s 5 “likes” in 2 sentences. Well played.)

I’ve loved this bit for ages. Being told that I would eventually “find myself” in some whole and immutable state felt (and still feels) completely absurd. Like reducing my (and your and everyone else’s) complexity to that of a household appliance. Gross.

But, you know what? I’m more or less coming around to the idea. (it wouldn’t be a cliché if it didn’t have some truth, right?) Though, instead of finding myself, I like to think of it as finding authenticity.

In one form or another, “myself” has been here all along. It (I) am constantly evolving and changing and doing lots of organic non-toastery things. There’s no endpoint. I will keep growing.

(And I think that’s what Angela is getting at here. The phrase is so annoying because it seems to make two rather obnoxious assumptions. First, that whoever we might be at the current moment is not good enough or true enough; second, that someday we’ll arrive at the station and never have to question who we are ever again. No way. No thanks. To both.)

So, it’s not a matter of finding “me” as though it’s some separate and exterior entity. Rather, the task is to take the essence, the person that exists under all the security blankets, and let that be what the world sees. When I feel certain that the choices I make, the friends I keep, and the words I say are all reflections of the person I am and the person I want to be—well, then I feel authentic. I feel something whole and true that fits that self-discovery narrative. I don’t have to find me, but a way to share myself with others honestly and openly.

In practice? It means refusing to apologize for my passions, my beliefs, and my strengths. For what makes me smile and what makes me cry. Acknowledging that I have weaknesses and addressing them. Asking for help and taking it graciously. No compromising authenticity for being liked (it’s easy for me to pretend that I left this habit in middle school, but sadly not always true).

And when I accomplish these things (again, no end point. It’s a moment-by-moment and day-by-day achievement), I feel positively electric. No doubt that I can set the world on fire.

I realize I’ve basically swapped “find yourself” with “be yourself.” What’s the use in exchanging one hackneyed old phrase with another? But really, it’s about the path between the two. In fact, the never-ending cycle between them. Take stock, share it (never hide from it), and then take stock again. The process breeds authenticity and authenticity cultivates joy. And joy is a very very good thing.

Move, Eat, Learn

2011-08-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Check out these three incredible travel videos. Scheming next world adventure begins... now.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

A note and a reminder

2011-07-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

Quick note. To everyone who was so sweet as to comment here-- please believe that I was not ignoring your kind words! For more than a month, blogger has foiled my every attempt to respond. But, finally... success! I'll be responding to comments once again, and hopefully commenting on your pages as well.

And, so that this post is not all administrative... a reminder I needed during this first week of work:

(source)

Hope you a weekend full of taking chances, making mistakes, and getting messy!
(Did you guys love Magic School Bus too?)

Proud

2011-07-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

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I've been thinking this is a nice question to ask myself in the morning.

We become like that on which our hearts are fixed

2011-07-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding by, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfilment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into the particular individual… Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude — the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think right is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed.

-Elbert Hubbard

#2 Get hired for a full-time job!

2011-07-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

Check! Offer came in this afternoon! Woop!

Well, it's a full-time paid internship for six months, and I'll still be sending out applications and hustling on the job hunt while there. So, pseudo-check? But forty hours will be spent per week in an office and there will be a paycheck. I'm going go ahead and cross off number two (and maybe come back for a double cross-off with an official job-job rather than internship down the line).

Now, what really matters here is that I have to start on Monday. Aka three weekdays and one weekend left of sans-office living (for the time-being at least!). I hereby declare a moratorium on all things resume/cover letter/interview related and all attempts to diguise myself as an adult. Time to savor five days of kid-style summer.

By Thurston Hopkins (I love this shot. So much mischief.)

Yippee!

Setting sail for five days of:

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sleeping in

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lazing by the pool all afternoon with popsicles in hand (possibly from the ice cream truck? The one in my neighborhood played Swan Lake last week! swanky.)

(from last summer!)

kayaking on the river, a la summer camp

(from The Princess and the Frog)

catching fireflies

(source)

spending a day at the amusement park riding all the rollercoasters. twice!

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climbing trees!

sleeping outside

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eating lots of watermelon

re-reading Ella Enchanted and A Room with a View (it's tradition! since third and eighth grade, respectively)

Of course, I can still do most of these things the rest of the summer too. But I like the idea of bundling them up for some last minute nostalgia and magic. Tally ho!

Whitman

2011-07-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Getting revved up to really dig into Leaves of Grass, per the 22 Things list, (although I have to say lately I'm much more into reading books as I come by them rather than working off of a book-list of self-made required reading. Thoughts?) and came across this gem. Oh Whitman, I think we're going to be friends.

Press close, bare-bosomed Night!
Press close, magnetic, nourishing Night!
Night of south winds! Night of large, few stars!
Still, nodding Night! Mad, naked, Summer Night!

Yes. I say yes.

#17 See the midnight showing of a movie on opening night

2011-07-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

So how obvious was it that I intended #17 for the second installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

Very? Okay, cool.

One of my friends from high school hosted a "pre-game" at her Potter-poster bedecked house. We watched the first part of Deathly Hallows and munched on chocolate frogs, cauldron cakes, pumpkin pasties and Mrs. Weasley's onion soup. Then my little sister and I donned our homemade t-shirts and met some neighborhood buds at the theater.

"Make Love Not Horcruxes" and "Dumbledore's Army"

We nibbled on leftover Olivander wands (chocolate-covered pretzel sticks) and treacle tarts in the theater and alternately laughed, cried, and applauded for our old friends at Hogwarts. The munchkin and I both agreed that it was our favorite of the films for sure. Sibling bonding + some wholesome muggle fun = great success for a Thursday night.

Work hard and be kind

2011-07-13T17:09:00.001-07:00

Ben Sollee

2011-07-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've just found cellist Ben Sollee earlier this week and have totally fallen for his stripped-down blues-y sound. Feels like the perfect soundtrack for lounging under a shady tree during the late afternoon sun. A few favorites for you to peruse:

Enjoy!

2011-07-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how…We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
Agnes de Mille

A change of vocabulary

2011-06-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

(source)

I'm a self-professed word nerd. There's no hiding my love for etymology and interesting word origin stories (if you are a dork like me, I can't recommend Bill Bryson's Made in America enough. I bored my roommates with new fun-facts at least three times a day while reading it. Anyone want to know George Washington's relationship to the word "grog"? eh? eh?).

And so, only about a month into my post-grad life, I decided it was high time to rechannel some negative energy into rethinking the way I think! Unleash the power of words to feel a bit more powerful and such.

Now, instead of "job hunting," I spend my time "moving and shaking," "hustlin," and "grooving." When nerves creep in, I repeat the mantras "woman up" and "be a woman" to transition from anxiety-ridden to strong and self-assured. Rather than "unemployed," I am an "unfettered vagabond" (I'm imagining myself riding the rails out west with exactly 1 leather satchel and 1 moleskine journal when I call myself that one. win.)

Other useful vocabulary shake-ups?
Me, Myself, and I-- Beast, Darling, Minx, Starshine, Daffodil
Anything boring, tedious or unsavory on the to-do list-- poppycock, hooha, "the hit-list"
Dreams-- Plans
Can'ts-- Cans

Ever do something goofy to feel a little stronger/motivated?

The Power of Vulnerability

2011-06-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Brene Brown's TED Talk about vulnerability and living "wholeheartedly" is exceptionally excellent. Do yourself a favor and put aside twenty minutes for this.

Loving Right Now...

2011-06-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Fred Astaire! One of my all-time favorite dancers, hands down.

Can you watch this and walk away anything but enamored? It's on the favorites tab at the top of my browser for whenever I need a quick boost of happy :)

"That's why we have mommies..."

2011-06-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes a T-rex will try to hurt you. Or bite you! But that's why we have mommies. To hold you hand if a real T-rex is maybe going to be somewhere you are going."

From Elizabeth, age 4 and one of the students in my ballet camp. Kids are the best.

#20 Write a Letter to My Body

2011-06-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

Fair warning: this post is longer and heavier than most.

I've alluded to my self-esteem issues in some previous posts. Honestly, I'm not interested in an internet tell-all at this point about my own journey with these problems. That said, I included "Write a Letter to My Body" on the 22 Things list. I originally came across the idea on the amazing blog Already Pretty (you can read Sal's letter here) and have always felt it might be a very productive healing exercise. But for a good bit of time, the task appeared too daunting and overly rife with the potential for a rawness I couldn't handle. Which in my eyes also made it a good goal. Keep pushing, keep growing. "Be Courageous and Vulnerable."

So my letter is posted below. Sharing such a thing on the internet wasn't a comfortable place for me, but the universe surely needs more messages of positivity and gratitude, no? And if it encourages anyone who visits this tiny corner of the web to examine his/her own relationship with their body, it's done good (for more than just me).

Hey love,
Let us begin with the magnitude of that greeting. I have just addressed you, my body, as “love.” Five years ago I wouldn’t have thought it possible. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to consider this expression of affection a positive statement. A statement of fact.

Distrust infiltrated our relationship early on. At five, I cried Easter morning that my “poofy” dress made me look fat. By eight, I began intensive ballet training and my sneaking suspicions that you were not good enough were readily confirmed. And confirmed and confirmed every day of the next ten years.

Over time, a vague but constant terror grew and spread into a full-blown hatred. I hated you. I spent hours in front of the mirror pinching you, crying over you. It might have looked like I was doing my homework, laughing with my friends, enjoying myself. And I often was. But those activities, every activity, occurred with a simultaneous litany of self-doubt. Because you were always there, reminding me that I would never be good enough.

Fat. Ugly. Disgusting.

And then I hit a breaking point. That’s always how it goes, eh? We had never gotten along, but the constant companion of negative thoughts swelled to a new level. I began punishing myself-- bingeing, purging, weighing, measuring, and more. And I finally realized that something was wrong. My thought process had become so ingrained as to seem natural. To seem right.

I wasn’t ready to love you. But I was ready to stop hating you, hurting you. Or at least to try. Because, well you and me are really the same thing, you know? And letting day after day pass by, filled with self-loathing and desperate attempts to fill those holes of fear and shame with anything but love, was wrong.

It’s been a long three years of healing. And the process isn’t over. I doubt it ever will be. But, body, can I tell you a few things?

I love you. That thrill I feel when I’m dancing? When I’m stretching and pulling and pushing and testing you? It’s one of the best damn things in my life. Thanks for that. And thanks for giving me legs, strong legs, to walk on. You should know walking is pretty high on my list of favorite things too. And standing, and running, and stomping my feet when the music is right. And for the feeling of running my hands over high grasses. And for my green eyes. And for freckles. And for your stretch marks, always to remind me of where I’ve been and where I’m going. A marker of my past. For the shape of my stomach. It’s not what people tell me is perfect. But I know differently. I know that your softness and your gentle curve feel better under my touch than hard and flat ever did. For my health and your rather incredible resilience to illness and injury.

Here’s the thing. You’ve never done a single thing wrong. You adapt. You found a way to survive even when I treated you like dirt. I still haven’t gotten this all figured out. Sometimes I don’t treat you in the manner you deserve. Or I lose sight of my love when other eyes fall on you. But I promise I’m trying. And I’ll keep trying. You’re too good to give up and I’ve fallen too in love with you to even consider it.

Xo,

MK

The Big Man

2011-06-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Clarence Clemons, saxaphonist for the E Street Band, died this weekend.

Have you ever felt strongly about the passing of a stranger?

I have never met the Big Man. I once stood ten feet in front of him for two hours, screaming along to "Badlands" and "Rosalita" with my Dad in the front row of a Bruce concert. He wore all black with rhinestones and had gold-painted fingernails. Unique guy, that one. This Saturday was the first time I'd ever cried after the death of a celebrity. Not long painful tears, but legitimate tears nontheless. Made it past the welling in the eyelids stage and into full-fledged streaming down the face.

The sweet sounds he made on the saxaphone have made me feel something potent down in my gut since I was a wee one bouncing around the back of my mom's Ford station wagon to Springsteen Greatest Hits casette. I grew up with Bruce and I grew up with the Big Man. I wasn't his friend, but Clarence sure was mine.

Sometimes all the usual pick-me-ups fail. So I turn to Clarence. When the blues start to border on the mean reds, I sneak out of the house and take to the highway at 70 mph, windows down, and "Jungleland" blaring. If I'm feeling especially buoyed by my secret ride (and the road's empty), I fling my arms out to my sides for just a moment as I fly downhill during that sax solo. I might listen to that song six times before finally turning back home. And, gosh darn if I don't always feel that I just did something so basically right with my time. That if I can feel that way just listening to a song, no doubt everything's going to turn out in the end.

Is there music that plays your heart to the beat (as Adele would say)? I got a list a mile long of tunage to tune my soul. For me though, this week is all about some quality time with good ole Clarence. You can check the "Jungleland" solo below, if you're so inclined. Skip to 4:15 if just want the Big Man and not all ten minutes of glory.

2011-06-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

let us go then, you and i,
when the evening is spread out against the sky
like a patient etherised upon a table;
let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
the muttering retreat

of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
and sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
streets that follow like a tedious argument
of insidious intent
to lead you to an overwhelming question …

oh, do not ask, “what is it?”
let us go and make our visit….

…and indeed there will be time
for the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
rubbing its back upon the window-panes;

there will be time, there will be time
to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
there will be time to murder and create,
and time for all the works and days of hands
that lift and drop a question on your plate;

time for you and time for me,
and time yet for a hundred indecisions,
and for a hundred visions and revisions,
before the taking of a toast and tea.

-t.s. eliot

Slow Down

2011-06-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

That's my mantra these days. Maybe more accurate to say that's what I want my mantra to be these days. My thoughts often run away from me. Lights out and a seemingly innocuous stream of consciousness begins.

"Do I want eggs or avocado toast for breakfast? Hm, which job apps should I work on over my avo-toast? How many days ago did I send that resume? Two. Right. Patience, please..."

Next thing I know my brain's full-on sprinting through some kind of freaky deserted carnival. Everywhere I turn there's a toothless carnie in a dirty, gawdy striped suit. And a hole-y boater hat. He demands to know what I'm doing with my life. Just that. "What are you doing with your life?," followed by a wicked grin. I keep running away from him and he keeps chasing me with a whack-a-mole mallet and that damned question.

Remember that scene in Snow White when she's running through the forest and totally freaking out? It's all dark and those weird finger-y trees keep grabbing at her dress?

Yeah, it's like that. But in my head. And then I can't sleep. Half from pondering the question in this recurring daydream (nightdream if it happens after dark?) and half from being stunned at the absurdity of my thought process. Really, carnies?

So, getting to the point. I need to slow down. Build a shrine to the tortoise. Be the molasses in January. I am 21 years old. What is the rush, pray tell?

"What jobs would I like to apply to?" need not become "What do I want to do with My Life? What are my goals? Great Scot! Do I even have any goals?! I will have to peddle things I find in dumpsters on ebay for a living. Oh, poor career choice, dearie. You know ebay will be WAY outdated by 2033. Damn! I don't even have a Plan B!" Things are getting out of hand.

And what better time to embrace the sacredness of the leisurely, the dawdling, the deliberate? Summer is the season of slow, don't you think? The time for languishing on the porch with a glass of lemonade, wilting along with a much-loved dog-earred book in the thick humidity, catnaps and the like. I hereby (attempt) to renounce the gospel of go-go-go and to appreciate right now, as it is, for what it is.

Take longer walks. Write letters bound for far-off friends on stationary precious with Italian memories. Bake bread. Re-read passages becuase they make my heart rum-pum-pum. Find a lake. Skinnydip in it. Each a peach and let the juice drip drip drip down my chin. Take time to take stock. Concoct crazy dreams. Discard or follow at will. Celebrate my youth. Avoid the carnival.

2011-06-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

(source)

I think life is delicious, and I want to gobble it up in big bites, eating, drinking, reading, talking, traveling - everything. I want everything. I’m hungry for everything, all the time. Bookstores make me ravenous, as do city streets and airports and glossy fashion magazines. So much to see, taste, touch, try, do. I can feel myself coming to life, eyes open, taking everything in, fingers running over textures, ears pricked for sounds. I feel like life is so genuinely interesting, that there’s so much to be tasted and tried and discovered.
Shauna Niequist

#18 Watch 3 ballets I've never seen

2011-06-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

Check! Last night the Royal Danish Ballet performed Napoli at the Kennedy Center. The Artistic Director restaged the work to take place in 1950s Naples, complete with vespas and adorably sweet a-line skirts. Of course, the dancing was spectacular. The company has a number of truly exquisite performers. Never have I seen dancers so light on their feet! The final act, which features an elaborate Tarantella dance, had me grinning in my seat. Perfection.

This (rather old) video doesn't capture the full energy of the live performance... but for anyone who is interested, here's a link to the Tarantella. (Again with the lack of embed code. Odd.)

#9 Gamble in Las Vegas

2011-06-10T12:28:00.000-07:00

One fateful day twelve years ago, two young girls made a pact. Once they both reached 21 years of age, they would venture across the land to a magic and mysterious place... Las Vegas.

(source)

Why my childhood best friend and I chose such a thing at the tender age of nine, I cannot say. It might have had something to do with a Rugrats special? Regardless, we both feel inordinately proud of ourselves for accomplishing this goal. To celebrate my graduation and her 21st, we set out west and spent the week indoor skydiving, seeing shows (Love, the Cirque du Soleil show set to Beatles music... be-still-my-heart incredible!), soaking up the sun, and generally making merry. And of course- we tried our hand at a few games of chance.

I will now take a moment to brush the proverbial dirt off my shoulder... we were money at roulette. I will forever bow at the feet of beginner's luck, one of the great forces of the universe that has recently decided to smile on this poor job-hunting girlie.

My friend and I each walked away with around $1000. What?!

Here's what I know about roulette:

1) If you bet on the individual numbers, you're working with 1:35 odds. So, bet a dollar, win and get 35 bucks.

2) If you are playing your first game of roulette, and you chose to bet on your brothers' baseball numbers, your dad's football number, and the birthdays of you, your mother and your sister... you might just win bank. Through in whatever other digits your gut directs you to.

Go forth and return home winners! (Results not guaranteed)

Seriously though, the trip was a blast and the extra cash was just the icing on the cake (and my savings account). Vegas is unlike anywhere I've ever been. Simultaneously enthralling and disorienting. The contrast of the natural beauty (desire to travel and hike more out west officially confirmed) to the artificiality of the strip was occassionally unnerving. One week was probably all I could handle of the party atmosphere and fake-Venice, fake-New York, fake-Paris, etc. etc. But what a week it was!

Joy

2011-06-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid / of its plenty. Joy is not meant to be a crumb.
- Mary Oliver

#6 Wear red lipstick out

2011-06-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick.
-Audrey Hepburn

It may seem small, but #6 was actually a big, scary item on the "22 before 22" list. The body image and self esteem issues that torment many girls my age have long been my companions. Embarking on 22 new adventures this year is one of several healing exercises I'm trying out this year. Some are just fun (new ballets, Vietnamese food!) and others are meant to push me out of my comfort zone and to remind me that my fears are often unfounded. And wearing fire engine red lipstick = way way way out of the comfort zone! A lovely woman at Sephora helped me to find the shade, "flamenco" (pictured above). It took some pep-talking from my wonderful roommates to get me out the door, but the final verdict... I love it! (You could have guessed that on your own though, right?) I felt like a vintage vixen, and, as always, what frightened me before was barely a smidgeon as scary as I'd thought. Isn't it great how that works out?

I only have a very poor quality photo from a friend's iPhone... but here's the evidence! (In retrospect, I should have done more to document the occassion. Apologies and promises for next time!)

That's me in the black and white striped dress. If you squint, you can kind of see the red...

#4: Watch the sunrise over the monuments at the National Mall

2011-06-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

Sunrises and sunsets rank in my top 100 things ever. On New Year's I stayed up until dawn to catch the sunrise from my backyard. Sitting wrapped in a blanket and holding a cup of hot chocolate while thinking about everything I wanted from the coming year was an awesome moment. And graduation weekend seemed like the perfect time for a repeat, no?

Gina and Me with my main man Abe.

Clearly, we weren't the only ones with this idea. The crowd made for a less pensive atmosphere than New Year's, but all the better really. Singing the fight song as the sky changed from purple to blue felt pretty sweet.

Catch up! and Graduation!

2011-05-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hi hi hi! Apologies for disappearing-- a lot has been happening over the last month. I have at least four "22 before 22" items to check off, including graduating from college! Woo!

It's been just over a week since the big day, and the thought of no longer living life as an undergrad feels completely surreal. The finality probably won't set in until this fall-- no first day of classes for the first time since kindergarten! The whole thing makes me equal parts elated and nervous and proud. Nervous stems mainly from my absolute lack of a plan. I've moved back home and am applying for jobs while teaching ballet classes part-time at a local studio. At some time relatively soon, I'll move out and dinner with my parents and siblings will become an event rather than a given. That surely makes right now a precious time. Hopefully I'll be checking off "Get hired for a full-time job" sometime in the near future, but for now I'm trying to savor the excitement of not knowing what comes next. Here's to possibility!

My wish for your week

2011-05-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday evening, but the best of the week lies ahead! We've got 4 days left to welcome in the first week of May. I wish:

That you make a plan for goodness,

but be open to whatever comes your way.

That you find some spring flowers to brighten your day,

and that you savor something delectable!

That you boogie all night long

and spend the next day lost in a book.

That you put on your best, even if just for a walk to the shop (looking your finest is a guaranteed boost of confidence!),

but never forget that:

Done!

2011-05-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

(jumping for joy!)

Done done done! I finished my thesis. Woo hoo! A break from pretty pictures and quotes for some shameless self-promotion. If anyone in the blogosphere in interested in my little ole website here's the link: http://www.chaplainsatwar.com/

And now back to the regularly scheduled programming...

Today I love...

2011-04-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Wisteria! So beautiful and romantic.

Someday I'd like to have it at my home. Along with magnolia trees and jasmine. And a wrap-around porch. A girl can dream :)

To Spring:

O thou with dewy locks, who lookest down
Thro' the clear windows of the morning, turn
Thine angel eyes upon our western isle,
Which in full choir hails thy approach, O Spring!

The hills tell each other, and the listening
Valleys hear; all our longing eyes are turned
Up to thy bright pavilions: issue forth,
And let thy holy feet visit our clime.

Come o'er the eastern hills, and let our winds
Kiss thy perfumed garments; let us taste
Thy morn and evening breath; scatter thy pearls
Upon our love-sick land that mourns for thee.

O deck her forth with thy fair fingers; pour
Thy soft kisses on her bosom; and put
Thy golden crown upon her languished head,
Whose modest tresses were bound up for thee.

William Blake

No mistakes...

2011-04-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

This is so hard to remember sometimes, isn't it?

Le Corsaire!

2011-04-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

Now 2/3 of the way to my "Watch 3 ballets I've never seen" goal! I've been watching American Ballet Theatre's video of Le Corsaire incessantly for the last three years and finally finally had the chance to see it in person! The Washington Ballet performed it at the Kennedy Center, and my little sister and I had a delightful time eating Junior Mints and gasping at the amazing jetes for a couple of hours.

p.s.- Angel Corella as the slave, Act II variation from the (greatest) pas de trois (ever) is probably my most watched youtube video of all time. The link is here since there's no embed code available...strange. But still a must see!

Goal

2011-04-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

source.

Words

2011-04-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

As mentioned, I've been doing a lot of writing of late. And although it's academic rather than creative, this bit really got me this week:

Human speech is like a cracked tin kettle,
on which we hammer out tunes to make bears dance when we long to move the stars.- Gustave Flaubert

But a few magicians seem to manage the latter. My favorite? Neruda. Oh, Neruda.

Come with me, I said, and no one knew
where, or how my pain throbbed,
no carnations or barcaroles for me,
only a wound that love had opened.

I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying,
and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth
or the blood that rose into the silence.
O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns!

That is why when I heard your voice repeat
Come with me, it was as if you had let loose
the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine

the geysers flooding from deep in its vault:
in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,
of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.

Pablo Neruda, Come With Me I Said and No One Knew

and something interesting:

My favorites are the German and the Gaelic. You?'

And now, back to my words! The finish line is in sight!

2011-04-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the neglect as of late... thesis crunch time and all that. Unfortuately there's still quite a bit to accomplish, but some (non-schoolwork) things that have had me thinking lately:

Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.

- Kurt Vonnegut

there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.

- Charles Bukowski

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
-Neil Gaiman

These all feel so true (the second one, painfully so), but they overlap and bump into each other in kind of dissonant ways, huh? I'm still working on sorting it all out (maybe a little silly to say, as it certainly seems a lifetime's work. Best to start now I suppose!), along with the 42 other things on my mind. Give me a little time and I'll try to collect some of my own thoughts here.

Needed Reminder:

2011-04-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

Hehehe

2011-04-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

source.

Balance

2011-03-29T20:29:00.000-07:00

Frank Chimero is an exceptional graphic designer and I am totally in love with both his blog and tumblr. This bit from today was needed...

And I’m not sure, but it seems busted to beat yourself up over not achieving balance. What is it about thinking so much is in our control that makes us so profoundly sad when things don’t go our way? Does the precept of “balance” as a satisfactory, desirable, possible default throw things even more out of balance when we worry as we don’t achieve it? Is that on us? Are we just unskilled or are we merely unfortunate? Just… human? I prefer the latter. We are more at the whims of others than we may realize. We may act, but even acting isn’t always enough to get what we want. (Cue Rolling Stones.)

Good point Frank.

Picasso

2011-03-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

These are stunning.

source.

Looking for an interesting read?

2011-03-27T14:02:00.001-07:00

This article did a fine job of shaking me up...

Condemned to joy, we must be happy or lose all standing in society. It is not a question of knowing whether we are more or less happy than our ancestors; our conception of the thing itself has changed, and we are probably the first society in history to make people unhappy for not being happy.

Hodgepodge

2011-03-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the top floor of the library, looking through the picture window onto our gorgeous quad. Feeling one part content and two parts overwhelmed, but leaning into the content sounds like a good plan right now. Shall we?

Have you ever read what Sarah Wilson has said about your "inside people"? It's quite good and has been helping me out a bit.

This song says less "content" and more "I will proceed to boogie in the stacks"...

I'm down for that.

A last little something for the frantically overwhelmed piece: "Chill the Eff Out" from Yes and Yes. Always a winner.

Happy First Day of Spring!

2011-03-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

i thank You God for most this amazing day

for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-e.e. cummings

(That's one of my e.e.'s for sure. Especially that first stanza)

The Sciences Sing a Lullaby

2011-03-20T19:41:00.001-07:00

Physics says: go to sleep. Of course
you’re tired. Every atom in you
has been dancing the shimmy in silver shoes
nonstop from mitosis to now.
Quit tapping your feet. They’ll dance
inside themselves without you. Go to sleep.

Geology says: it will be all right. Slow inch
by inch America is giving itself
to the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darkness
lap at your sides. Give darkness an inch.
You aren’t alone. All of the continents used to be
one body. You aren’t alone. Go to sleep.

Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow,
Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle,
Psychology says: but first it has to be night, so
Biology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over town
and
History says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

-Albert Goldbarth

Life has loveliness to sell, all beautiful and splendid things, blue waves whitened on a cliff, soaring fire that sways and sings, and children’s faces looking up, holding wonder like a cup

2011-03-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Back from the beach and feeling simultaneously refreshed and exhausted. Why does vacation always do that?

I never consider myself much of an outdoorswoman, but I have to say that nothing sets my mood right like some quality outside-time (especially after all the hours in the library of late!). Reading on the sand, diving into the waves, sleeping out on the balcony, searching for seashells, letting the sun shine on my shoulders and finding freckles on my face the next morning. I miss it already!

Find something new today
to love and enjoy
like the rest of those familiar loves
that have topped your list for years.
It doesn’t have to come close
and likely it won’t
but it might
and if it did
boy, that’d sure make this a day to remember-
the day you set about
turning over rocks
and shaking the neighborhood trees
only to discover
exactly what it was
you didn’t even know you were looking for.

-Dallas Clayton

The blues have been a more consistent companion of mine lately, but it seems one key to turning my mood around is spending that extra bit of time appreciating the details. The small things that I usually breeze by during the day-to-day routine. Noticing the arch of a flower's stem or focusing on the tingle that rushes over my skin when it hits the cold water. Watching the sunset and counting the stars. Making space for these moments makes me feel both grounded and connected to something much much larger than me. To sum it up in a word, alive! Combine that with a constant search for new experiences and I become a much happier lady. No more feeling like I'm just skimming the surface of my life, letting the days slip away unaccounted for.

In that spirit, I've tried out a few new things in addition to all that glorious beach bumming. Nothing monumental, but just enough to shake things up and keep me on my toes:
-My first henna tattoo (it's a mandala on my foot. No interest in a real tattoo, so a three-week long marking is perfect)
-I ate dinner alone in a restaurant for the first time tonight. It was actually a rather peaceful experience. Especially with a Michael Ondaatje (love!) book as a side to my grilled fish and baked potato. yum.
-I gave up instant messaging/gchat for Lent. I'm not sure if this is 100% new because I can't remember if I ever successfully gave anything up in grade school. I certainly haven't tried since then. So I'm counting it as my first real Lenten sacrifice. Rather jazzed about it actually.

Now to start doing more of the new things on my 22 by 22 list!

Spring Break!

2011-03-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

I'm off for a week at the beach! 7 days of reading, long walks and dozing in the sand should be just what the doctor ordered. Be back soon!

Today I'd like to...

2011-02-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

Strike out west! What do you think? A couple of months backpacking sounds incredible right now...

(Ansel Adams)

(This is my grandma, checking out an Indian Reservation as part of a 1930s Life Magazine photoshoot!)

(My own picture, Artists' Point in Yellowstone)

(William Henry Jackson)

A Girl Who Reads

2011-02-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

Rosemary Urquico

2011-02-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

Edward Hopper, "Rooms by the Sea"

Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes a part of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined. Out goes naivete, in comes wisdom; out goes anger, in comes discernment; out goes despair, in comes kindness. No one would call it easy, but the rhythm of emotional pain that we learn to tolerate is natural, constructive and expansive... The pain leaves you healthier than it found you.
- Martha N. Beck

Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of spirit, and never dies

2011-02-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

I am so in love with Adele's music right now.

And last night I went to see the Avett Brothers in concert. Is there anything better than watching people do what they love? The passion was just oozing out of these guys. Distraction #74 definitely ranks as one of my favorites...

I just found this song on an old Mumford and Sons (love love love) EP, and have been jamming all week.

Do you ever feel you couldn't make it through the day without music?

Plan for the weekend:

2011-02-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

1) Think, think, thinking.

I've had 10,000 things vying for my attention this week and it has been exceptionally exhausting. I need some time for my journal,

(I have this one exactly and I love it. But it has been shamefully neglected!)

a warm drink,

(out of one of these delightful teapots, please?)

and some nice, long walks. I'll have to brave the cold-- it will be worth it for the peace of mind!

“Walking uplifts the spirit. Breathe out the poisons of tension, stress, and worry; breathe in the power of God. Send forth little silent prayers of goodwill toward those you meet. Walk with a sense of being a part of a vast universe. Consider the thousands of miles of earth beneath your feet; think of the limitless expanse of space above your head. Walk in awe, wonder, and humility. Walk at all times of day. In the early morning when the world is just waking up. Late at night under the stars. Along a busy city street at noontime.”

Wilfred A. Peterson

2) Planning for the for the future is in order! Job applications lay waiting...

I've been thinking about this passage incessantly of late. Hmm, what are my figs and which will I chose?

3) Much thesis writing! I'm embarrassingly behind.

And of course, some lovely dinners and coffee dates with friends are on the schedule. Other than that, I think this weekend will prove an exercise in discipline. Time to hunker down and get comfy! See you when I crawl out from under all these ancient sweatshirts and wool socks!

2011-02-08T15:20:00.001-08:00

Day after day he sits just so, With some words in a foreign tongue below Whether the wind blows warm or cold, His stone clothes alter never a fold.

2011-02-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

These pictures of statues at the Met are spectacular. I can't stop coming back to them.

(source)

2011-02-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel that February really will be more... everything! January really had more than its fair share of delightful moments, but it felt just a little too slow to me. I woke up this morning and felt like jumping up and yelling:

Let's all have an amazing day, shall we? Starting...now!

2011-01-31T08:12:00.000-08:00

hello babies. welcome to earth. it’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. it’s round and wet and crowded. on the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. there’s only one rule that i know of, babies - 'god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'

- k. vonnegut

You have played, (I think) And broke the toys you were fondest of, And are a little tired now; Tired of things that break, and—Just tired. So am I.

2011-01-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

I feel tremendously scattered at the moment. And it's rather frustrating! As the to-do list grows, so does my capacity to ignore it. Life does always seem to happen, as Hemingway put it, "gradually and then suddenly," but I can't always summon the patience for the gradual.

January has been lazy. In a good way. I needed it. First semester feels like a haze of all-nighters and colds. I let my health and well-being get away from me and it's high time to re-prioritize and re-center. However, in my attempt to lay low and to take life slower, I've begun moving at the pace of molasses in Moscow. Passivity creeps more and more into my everyday life and decision making. Massive and exciting (even massively exciting) projects lie ahead. But I glance hesitantly at them from across the room, too complacent and too nervous to walk over and introduce myself. In short, I've missed the mark.

I'm okay with that. Finding balance is a process. I just need to get back on track within that ongoing process. Too far to one end of the spectrum means it's time to shift back gently in the other direction. Some burn-out precautions have been put in place (namely a reduced class and activities schedule), so I should feel safe to dive in and immerse myself in the opportunities at hand.

Some inspiration:

Tomorrow, in a very real sense, your life—the life you author from scratch on your own—begins. How will you use your gifts? What choices will you make? Will inertia be your guide, or will you follow your passions? Will you follow dogma, or will you be original? Will you choose a life of ease, or a life of service and adventure? Will you wilt under criticism, or will you follow your convictions? Will you bluff it out when you're wrong, or will you apologize? Will you guard your heart against rejection, or will you act when you fall in love? Will you play it safe, or will you be a little bit swashbuckling? When it's tough, will you give up, or will you be relentless? Will you be a cynic, or will you be a builder? Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?

-Jeff Bezos

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.

-Katherine Mansfield

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wild Geese

2011-01-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

Zumba!

2011-01-25T17:47:00.000-08:00

Cross #10 off the "22 Things" list!

I took my first zumba class last night- total blast! The class mixes salsa, merengue, and Afro-Cuban styles-- so lots of shaking. Ballet and Zumba definitely stand worlds apart! I spent half the time giggling, but really enjoyed moving my body in a new way. A big plus came when two of my favorite artists- Juanes and Shakira- made appearances on the playlist. Woo! I'd definitely recommend for anyone looking for a great workout-- you can start with these jams :)

2011-01-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

I'm not particularly religious, but I really do love this:

1. Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once.

2. Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone except myself.

3. Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.

4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.

5. Only for today, I will devote ten minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.

6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.

7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and it my feelings are hurt, I will make sure no one notices.

8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision.

9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.

10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for twelve hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.

Pope John Paul II

Loving right now

2011-01-23T14:55:00.000-08:00

M. Sasek! I think I'd like to live inside some of these illustrations:

Delightful, no?

American Ballet Theater!

2011-01-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

I'm now 1/3 of the way towards one of my "22 things before 22" goals!

On Tuesday night, I went to see American Ballet Theater (ABT) perform a mixed bill at the Kennedy Center. And I'm still reeling in the loveliness. ABT has always been one of my very favorite companies (I can list the principal dancers like a baseball fan would his team's starting line-up), but Tuesday's show has to be one of my absolute favorites.

There were two Balanchine pieces:

Theme and Variations

and Duo Concertant

Theme and Variations is set to Tchaikovsky and Duo Concertant to Stravinsky, so it was a perfect Balanchine sampler. Plus, David Hallberg and Paloma Herrera danced soloist roles. Swoon!

Julie Kent danced the lead in Tudor's Jardin aux Lilas. Tudor's style is not my favorite (often angular and sharp whereas I gush for fluidity), but the music! I love love love Chausson's Poeme.

(This is my favorite recording of Poeme)

And the final piece- Fancy Free! I have been waiting more than 5 years to see this ballet! Robbins choreographed (love love love) and and Leonard Bernstein composed the score. On a hot summer night in 1944, three sailors have a night of leave in New York City. Skirt chasing and cheeky male bravado ensues. Beyond wonderful. So much fun and more than lived up to my expectations.

I could go on forever, but I'll stop now. Can't wait for ballet #2!

2011-01-18T07:46:00.000-08:00

(I made one of these books once and I love it.)

Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. forget yourself.
- Henry Miller

Here's to a great long weekend!

2011-01-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

with flowers

and dancing

and hiding from the cold in cozy blanket forts

nights out with friends

and good books.

Cheers!

Buon Anniversario!

2011-01-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.
-Sarah Dessen

One year ago, I boarded my first international flight and took off for four incredible months in Italy. I miss it so! Let's reminisce, shall we?

This is my favorite spot in my old home. The villa (a whole year later and I still can't believe I lived in a villa!) had amazing gardens overlooking all of Florence. That bench was the perfect place to nap, to read, and to watch the sunset everyday.

"Maybe Venice is just a feeling"- Rainer Maria Rilke (love.)

Gelato just outside the Vatican.

This is where I took my daily walks. No big deal.

Hiking in Cinque Terre.

Easter in Capri.

Florence just after sunrise.

Send me back, please! Please.

A Reminder...

2011-01-10T23:32:00.000-08:00

And then don't ever forget it.

may I be I is the only prayer-- not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong-- ee cummings

2011-01-08T23:55:00.000-08:00

"20-somethings."

It's a hot topic right now. Blogs, the New York Times, various relatives-- they all want to know what we're doing and why we're doing it differently than our parents. Raised on computers, we're the "Internet generation," the "Facebook generation," the "Don't Know How to Communicate" generation (To qualify- we communicate constantly, but, as the theory goes, we don't know how to do it in person. Apparently, texting and Facebook have melted our brains and stolen our socialization. Go figure). Much talk circulates of our poor job prospects, and the resulting dissatisfaction from overqualification and our slower pace in finding a career, a spouse, and a house.

Perhaps these conversations are nothing new (surely the older generation perennially speculates on the strengths and flaws of their successors?), and I've only just tuned into them as my own college graduation looms in the not-so-far-off distance (4 months?! gulp). Regardless, the pressure to "figure out what to do with my life" has become suddenly ever-present.

I don't know who said this, but I think we're on the same page:

I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls that aren’t covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house I will be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s my dream I’m working on.

That kinda sums it up, no? And this is certainly appealing...

Switch the paint set with a good book, please.

And the appeal of these two delightful plans stems at least partially from their simplicity. They sound so easy. So clean. I've learned in the last year that I crave simplicity. Too many choices are overwhelming. Clutter becomes distracting. Spreading myself too thin (although I keep making that mistake over and over) leaves me exhausted and feeling that I haven't given anything or anyone the time and attention deserved.

But life is messy and anything but easy. And, inevitably, something will come up and my busy-ness factor shoots up ten-fold. I keep trying to make space-- to think, to be still-- but space seems hard to come by. Presumably this task only becomes more difficult as responsibility and the requirements of everyday routines take hold.

So, I don't have any answers. To all those who ask about my future, to whom I try to respond politely, please know that I'd like to yell back a thousand questions. I don't know what it means to be "20-something." Can what I want now (really truly want. from the bottom of my stomach and out through my toes and the hairs on my head) be so different than what I'll seek ten, twenty, thirty years from now? For now, this resonates:

Make for yourself a world you can believe in.
It sounds simple, I know. But it’s not. Listen, there are a million worlds you could make for yourself. Everyone you know has a completely different one - the woman in 5G, that cab driver over there, you. Sure, there are overlaps, but only in the details. Some people make their worlds around what they think reality is like. They convince themselves that they had nothing to do with their worlds’ creations and continuations. Some make their worlds without knowing it. Their universes are just sesame seeds and three-day weekends and dial tones and skinned knees and physics and driftwood and emerald earrings and books dropped in bathtubs and holes in guitars and plastic and empathy and hardwood and heavy water and high black stockings and the history of the Vikings and brass and obsolescence and burnt hair and collapsed soufflés and the impossibility of not falling in love in an art museum with the person standing next to you looking at the same painting and all the other things that just happen and are. But you want to make for yourself a world that is deliberately and meticulously personalized. A theater for your life, if I could put it like that. Don’t live an accident. Don’t call a knife a knife. Live a life that has never been lived before, in which everything you experience is yours and only yours. Make accidents on purpose. Call a knife a name by which only you will recognize it. Now I’m not a very smart man, but I’m not a dumb one, either. So listen: If you can manage what I’ve told you, as I was never able to, you will give your life meaning.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, A Convergence Of Birds

And, for now, I'll just keep trying.

Say it with a Song

2011-01-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

If you're talking about love, recruit Otis, Willie, Fred and Van to help.

Oh yeah, and these guys.

Beauty Secrets

2011-01-05T15:46:00.000-08:00

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

Sam Levenson

Thanks for that, Mr. Levenson. I like the way you think.

Loving right now...

2011-01-04T14:10:00.000-08:00

The Ballerina Project by Dane Shitagi:

I might be biased after 18 years of dance class, but there's something magical about ballerinas and New York City. Excited to see American Ballet Theater in 2 weeks!

22 before 22

2011-01-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

(source)

A hearty welcome to 2011! I'm no good at resolutions, but I can't turn down the opportunity to dream up adventures and write a good list. Inspired by Sarah Von of Yes and Yes, here's 22 new things I hope to do before my 22nd birthday (this November).

1) ~~Graduate from college~~

2) ~~Get hired for a full-time job!~~

3) Bake bread

4) ~~Watch the sunrise over the monuments at the National Mall~~

5) Go Zorbing

6) ~~Wear red lipstick out~~

7) Start a blog (check!) and post here at least 100 times!

8) Try 30 new recipes

9) ~~Gamble in Las Vegas~~

10) ~~Take a Zumba class~~

11) Give blood

12) Go applepicking!

13) Visit 3 states I've never been to (the eventual goal is all 50!)

14) Read Leaves of Grass

15) Eat Vietnamese food

16) Write a fan letter

17) ~~See the midnight showing of a movie on opening night~~

18) ~~Watch 3 ballets I've never seen~~

19) Attend a music festival

20) ~~Write~~ ~~a letter to my body~~

21) ~~Go hiking in Virginia~~

22) Make a pinhole camera.

I'll be keeping track of the progress here. Wish me luck!

Namesake

2011-01-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

"Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth, but I got me a nice little place in the stars..."